I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize