I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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