Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
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His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
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I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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