My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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