Umm I'm too high to move.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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