I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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