I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize