My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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