He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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