Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize