Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.

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(815): Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything. http://tfl.nu/a0v1

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.

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(608): Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker. http://tfl.nu/j5xk

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis

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(816): I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis http://tfl.nu/fnup

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(415): View more from California

It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.

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(415): It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year. http://tfl.nu/fhgz

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(865): View more from Tennessee

got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....

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(865): got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter.... http://tfl.nu/ne6c

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(513): View more from Ohio

2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.

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(513): 2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless. http://tfl.nu/7smn

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(563): View more from Iowa

I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?

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(563): I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one? http://tfl.nu/bi5f

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(509): View more from Washington

Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.

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(509): Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape. http://tfl.nu/qdov

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(931): View more from Tennessee

My bed is full of blood and feathers

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(931): My bed is full of blood and feathers http://tfl.nu/0j2w

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(469): View more from Texas

He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

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(469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy

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(303): View more from Colorado

You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...

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(303): You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted... http://tfl.nu/r2o3

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Bang-toberfest begins!!

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(662): Bang-toberfest begins!! http://tfl.nu/i6ge

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(312): View more from Illinois

He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.

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(312): He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning. http://tfl.nu/pfuk

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.

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(304): Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd. http://tfl.nu/1o4y

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(714): View more from California

Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?

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(714): Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ? http://tfl.nu/wlh8

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