I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
dude i'm inner monologue high
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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