Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
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so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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