Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm like, not good at living.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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