Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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