I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
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this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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