i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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