in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
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Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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