u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize