I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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