She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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