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ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
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