I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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