4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize