im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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