So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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