if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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