dude i'm inner monologue high
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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