the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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