im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize