Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize