Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize