youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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