I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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