I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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