So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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