Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My ass is underappreciated
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize