I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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