i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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