you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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