If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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