You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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