i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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