Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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