dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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