i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
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All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
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Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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