Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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