Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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