I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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