Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize